Tips to Help You Survive Your Divorce

This article gives the newly-divorced advice for getting through this rough period and emerging stronger, saner and more confident than before.

Tips to Help You Survive Your Divorce

The most recent statistics say at least half of all marriages end in divorce, so chances are good that at some time you will either get divorced or have a friend or family member go through this ordeal. There is nothing that can ease the pain completely, but these tips will help along the healing process.

First, it is important to allow a natural time for grieving. However, this period should not negatively impact your daily living, especially if you have children. Counseling is a fairly available option for many, although for some this is not an affordable avenue. Talking to a non-judgmental person is important because not only do you get a chance to talk about your feelings, it also allows for some space to examine your choices and options. Some communities have a group for people going through divorce, and this could be an option for you as well. Friends can fulfill this role, but sometimes you simply need someone who won't be a cheerleader, but a problem-solver. Especially if you have kids, this kind of "me" time can be a real sanity-saver.

Next, make sure you are staying connected to your family, even if it is just a small email or note once a week. They will naturally be worried about you and, if you aren't ready to communicate, this kind of touching base will ease their minds without making you want to lose yours. If you have kids, this is the time to get closer to them. This doesn't mean you should try to become their best friend or demand all their time be spent with you, but do make special time, even just meal times, to talk with one another. Children need that kind of support, and, as their parent, it is your responsibility to make sure they get it. If the task of parenting and going through a divorce are too much for you, you may need to enlist family or friends to help. Be sure that you let your kids know how much you love and value them - the best way to do that is not through your wallet, but with your time and attention.

This is a good time to look for places to put your attention in healthy ways. Always wanted to take a pottery class or learn to knit? Maybe you wanted to spend some time volunteering at a local charity or get more involved in an area church? Community enrichment and religious organizations often offer free or very inexpensive child care, and if that isn't available, you may be able to fall back on the friends and family network for support.

Very often well-meaning people will urge you to "get back out there", but this is not necessarily the best course. While holding yourself back out of fear of pain or rejection is not healthy, neither is pushing yourself into relationships and dating because you think you should be "out there". Having friends is fine, and if something eventually develops, that's wonderful. Until you directly face your divorce and your feelings associated with that, you should focus on yourself and your family and not spend the energy needed to commit to a new person.

Divorce is extremely common in the modern world, for a variety of reasons, and there is life after the breakup of a marriage. Most of all, be good to yourself and allow yourself to heal without closing off the parts of yourself you enjoy. As long as you keep yourself open to living, time really will heal the wounds left from going through a divorce.

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