Stalker or Just Overly Interested

This article discusses new relationships where one partner becomes obsessed.

Stalker or Just Overly Interested

So you meet this guy or girl and you go out on a date. Let's say you go to dinner and maybe a movie with drinks at your house later that evening. And then you part your separate ways. You agree to see each other again, and again you have a wonderful time, but this time you share a good night kiss, nothing extremely intimate, just a light affectionate brush of the lips. Then you decide, you're not feeling it. The chemistry is not right, you don't really have anything in common, and quite frankly you'd rather not waste your time, and so you choose not to see the person again. Oh oh. What did you go and do that for? We read all of the time about stalkers in the newspaper or see it on the news on television, but have you ever considered how close to the situation you may have actually come.

Now you have this person calling your cell phone nine, maybe ten times a day. When you don't take the calls, you are left hostile messages. You get off work to find out through a voice mail that they are in the neighborhood, around the corner no less, and would like to meet with you. You decline citing other plans. The person flips out on you. You wonder what have you done? You basically have acquired your own personal stalker. But keep reading.

Guess what you have the next morning? Flowers are delivered to your office with a nice card. In the card the admirer apologizes for the previous behavior and then, there it is, right above the signature, 'I Love You." You feel a bit uneasy, but oh just wait. You may as well save that uneasiness for the next nine phone calls you are going to get during the day. And yes after the fourth call the others will all be hostile citing you as being uncaring, insensitive, and accused of misleading someone in terms of affection. Do you know what you've got? Do you know yet? Are you recognizing the pattern? You have got a USDA, bona fide, certified, class A, nut case personal stalker. And he or she is all yours for the taking.

Haven't we all met someone that started out as a pretty nice date only to end up with the situation being a replica of one of the movies of the week? The person is insistent on following you home to be sure you get home safely. You get off work and he or she is standing there. Their reply, "Oh I was just thinking about you and thought I'd surprise you." Yeah ya think? Personally, I don't respond well to those kind of surprises. Now suddenly they are showing up at places you know you didn't tell them you were going, hence they probably followed you. Now, after two dates and a few telephone conversations, your being a part of their life is paramount. They feel the two of you were meant to be together. They can't live without you and when you attempt to break it off, they get hostile. Not only do you have a stalker, you my friend have a high end professional stalker.

So what do you do? Run? No seriously, what can you do? It's rather difficult to rationalize with someone that is not rational. So you may have to end up getting a restraining order to keep the person away. This sounds serious and it can be. Not everyone handles rejection well, so you better be sure that when you go out with someone that you are fairly certain that they are sane. And this is what is so deceptive about the dating process, when you first meet someone, isn't it true that they appear to have fairly good sense? I suppose that's why someone coined the term "appearances can be deceiving, (author unknown). Something happens when you start tapping into peoples' emotions. Boy do they change on you big time? Of course there is no real way of knowing up front when you have a real nut job. It's just sort of like the luck of the draw. That's where your bobbing and weaving skills come in. You have to look for all the crazy signals, though a lot of them don't manifest until it's too late. The days of fairytale romances are few if not gone totally. Now days going on a date is like suiting up for battle, especially if you date someone who has been single for a while. It is freaking madness out here in the land of single.

My advice, save your little intimate displays until you are really comfortable in a relationship, and you feel you really know the person. Start out as friends first. A friendship is easier to break off just in case you have to. Of course if you have a crazy, you have a crazy. Let's face it, do you really want someone who is your "Number One Fan?" All I can think of when someone displays that possessive type of behavior is watching Kathy Bates hobble James Caan in the movie Misery. Yeah, when she busts up his ankles and hobbles him. All I can think is I don't want anyone to love me that much. Possession is not cute. At any rate your "Number One Fan" can turn into your "Number One Pain In The Butt." So try to feel out for an even keeled, semi-sane, hobby having, project oriented, employed, not so unbalanced, non psychotic tendency having personality. And when you find one, hit me up because, my city and my life is loaded with crazies.

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